Thursday, June 28, 2007

A slew of thoughts...

Sorry i haven't posted recently. There have been lots of things I've wanted to say, but little time to actually post them.

First of all, Boys State turned out well. I noticed that I don't like who I am when I haven't been sleeping, but now that it's over I feel like it was a worth-while experience. The guys were much different at the end of the week than they were at the beginning. It's a wonderful thing to see sixty kids get together as individuals and a week later watch them act as a unit.

I left Boys State and went to visit Lindsey in Lawrence, which was a wonderfully recharging adventure. Among other things, we went to church together with her friends in KC, visited a campground that has a lot of history for her, and ate various vegan meals. One interesting experience happened my first day in Lawrence:

I pierced my ears a few months ago. I've always wanted to do it, and I've also always wanted to gauge my ears. One day I just did it. I waited for them to heal, and then when I had waited long enough I started stretching them in Lawrence. Let me tell you, it hurt a lot. The earrings look pretty good and are healing well (in case you were wondering), but the lesson is about mindfulness. The pain kinda keeps me in the moment. It reminds me to stay right here, not thinking about the future or anything else. Which leads me to my next thought...

I can't be in a constant state of pain to remind me to stay right here. That would just be masochistic. I have always wanted something to help remind me to be mindful, though. I was thinking that a tattoo would be a great alternative to constant pain. The image would be in a visible place that I would see often, like my forearm, and it would be an image that would remind me to be mindful. It's kinda like the bells that ring every hour in Buddhist monasteries. The thought that has crossed my mind recently is that it wouldn't work. If my very breath, which is with me every moment of every day, can't remind me to be mindful, how will an image on my arm? Perhaps I should just work more on my breath meditation and focus on what I already have.

I moved into a new house today. I love the house, but I'm not a huge fan of the town yet. I'm sure I'll have more to say about it later, but it's strange to see moving men pick up your life for thirteen years and put it in a new place. I need to learn to be home wherever I am. I think maybe this whole thing has got me really distressed and messed up because it's making me think about impermanence. I'm not quite okay with impermanence yet. It's a scary thought for me. Just another thing to work on.

Life is good. I need to remember that.

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