Sunday, May 6, 2007

I am in love with life.

"The best moments in reading are when you come across something - a thought, a feeling, a way of looking at things - which you had thought special and particular to you. And now, here it is, set down by someone else, a person you have never met, someone even who is long dead. And it is as if a hand has come out, and taken yours."
-Hector from The History Boys

I was distraught earlier today. We're all leaving. We're all leaving, and it's just getting good. Today it all came to a head and I was having a small mental breakdown when I decided it was time for a meditation walk. I took of my shoes and headed into the grass.

Every breath I took I thought about the moment. *breath in* I'm alive right now. *breath out* We're all in this together. *breath in* I'm part of this planet and all of the life on it. *breath out* We're all in this together. I would say that to the squirrels who stared at me as I approached and ran away when I got too close. We're all in this together, guys. I'm on your side.

Then it hit me. This pain that I'm feeling about my current situation, this longing, this melancholy reminds me that I'm alive. Because I feel these things, I've joined the human race. People have felt this before, and people will feel this way after I'm long gone and nobody at Drury knows my name any longer. We're all in this together, feeling the same things, hurting, loving, living.

At that moment I was overwhelmed. I'm getting that way again, even now as I think about it and write it down. I'm not alone and I never will be. I can embrace this pain and love it because it connects me to life, to the man down the street, to the squirrels that run away from me.

I'm in love with life.


Anonymous said...

I'm in love with you, man. Thanks.

lindsey said...

Squirrels won't run away if you don't make eye contact.

(I'm sure there's a metaphor for life and relationships in there somewhere...)