Tuesday, May 8, 2007

What am I going to do with this life of mine?

I came to Drury wholeheartedly embracing the idea of the ministry. That's why I chose the Religion and Philosophy double major. I figured outreach ministry would be much easier if I understood all of the world's religions even better. I'd be such a great Evangelical Christian with my education! What I didn't expect was how much I'd fall in love with these ideas being presented to me. I guess I thought my faith was ironclad and indestructable. I was 18 and I had my shit together. Not that my faith is gone today, but it is definitely manifested differently than it once was.

My spirit hasn't been broken and my love for humanity has only increased, which is what makes this predicament so strange. What church is going to allow me to do outreach for them or be their pastor if I'm a Buddhist Christian mutt? My only options are academia or finding something not related to my major, which I just don't see myself doing. I could definitely see my self learning and teaching for the rest of my life; it would be my own way of ministering and leading kids to find their own truths. More and more that is becoming my ultimate goal, it's just interesting that it wasn't my original goal.

Besides, these days I don't agree with Christianity's face in America. I think it's broken and wrong. Televangelism, hellfire damnation preaching, closed-minded preachers professing hatred of certain groups of people, the list goes on and on. I'd be breaking my back and losing my mind trying to cultivate a congregation of people who aren't wanting to fall into that category of Christianity, trying to reshape minds. It would be so much easier in a classroom where people are there with open minds to learn, not to have their preconceptions reaffirmed.

Still, I wonder what will happen to my religion if people like me back out. What will become of Christianity if I don't step into a position of leadership and try to ride out the moral hailstorm? I still have a strong affinity for the faith and see it as ultimately useful and correct, but it's just lost its way. Should I stay or should I go? Just some food for thought and record.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

There's an exemplary Bolvarian Assemblies of God Christian that's a pretty good friend of mine. He's noticed that Christianity has always thrived under persecution, and thinks the faith needs something like a second Roman Empire to really whip it into shape. He really breaks the typical Christian in the sense that he thinks they shouldn't be involved in the government at all, in fact the government ought to hate Christians. Your post made me think of him, but I can't exactly say why...

It's the duty of good men to run for office so bad men don't have the opportunity, but how effective will that be? Charles Kimball had a great worldview that embraced Christ, but he wasn't the guy you saw on television all the time. I thought he was dead-on when he said that people are interested in sensation over the straight truth, and I think any attempt to live an upright life (and inspire people with that life) is going to be fantastically hard. The problem I see is deciding which which right lifestyle works best for you.

I'm made of wax, boy. What are YOU made of?