The Yin and the Yang...

In my Eastern Religion and Philosophy course (the one I'm doing my Blogging Buddhism project for, which should be done this weekend), we've been discussing Taoism this week. On Monday, we discussed the yin-yang, which is a very interesting concept. Essentially, there are diametric dualities in the world (light and dark, male and female, hot and cold, etc) but none of them exist independently of each other. More importantly, none of them are purely one thing. They are dependent upon each other and circle around to meet each other through the natural Tao of things. This is just the concept as far as I understand it, which obviously isn't that sophisticated for only having studied it for less than a week.

In class, I asked the question about whether or not these terms are value laden. Is one side inherently good and the other bad? Is anything inherently good or bad in Taoism? I believe that the answer is "no," and I think there are some evidences to support that.

Firstly, there is the old Taoist story of the farmer who's horse ran away. "His neighbor commiserated, only to be told, 'Who knows what's good or bad?' It was true, for the next day the horse returned, bringing with it a drove of wild horses it had befriended. The neighbor reappeared, this time with congratulations for the windfall. He received the same response: 'Who knows what is good or bad?' Again this proved true, for the next day the farmer's son tried to mount one of the wild horses and fell, breaking his leg. More commiserations from the neighbor, which elicited the question: 'Who knows what is good or bad?' And for a fourth time the farmer's point prevailed, for the following day soldiers came by commandeering for the army, and the son was exempted because of his injury." I quoted Houston Smith's version of the story there because I knew I couldn't have put it better.

Who knows what is good or bad? I think that the Taoist approach is very existentialist in that it is up to the person experiencing to decide whether something is good or bad, and ultimately "good" and "bad" circle around to meet each other. There is nothing that is purely good and nothing purely bad. Everything is part of a process.

This was all fine with me until my friend Max (a solid utilitarian) said to me, "What about suffering?" I have to admit that I was a bit caught off guard. Is suffering value neutral? I tend to think that it is not a good thing on its own, but that's just the thing. Nothing is ever on its own. Everything is part of something else and fits into a context. Perhaps suffering seems bad at the time, but in the end who knows what is good or bad? What looks like a broken leg today could turn out to be a ticket out of the draft tomorrow.

Is Max right? Is suffering inherently evil? Is everything value neutral? I think that detachment and wu-wei certainly play a role here, but I suppose that is another post for another day.

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Now playing: Phil Keaggy - O Come O Come Emmanuel
via FoxyTunes

Means to an End...

Lately there have been a lot of questions in my mind, like from the post about koans, that are really interesting to ponder. The answers aren't as important as the questions in most cases, and you really can't tell what the answer is if you wanted to. Such things like, "Does anything exist outside of my mind or is this all just in my head?" Thanks again, Lindsey. ;)

My question for the day is this: What is the end and what are the means? Why are we good? Are we good just for the sake of being good here and now, or are we good so that we can say that we were good here and go to heaven later? Do the intentions matter, or is the only thing that matters the action and not its motivation? I mean, I guess as long as you're doing good things, you're doing good things, right? Hmmmm

I think Mother Culture of modern-day Christianity is trying to tell me that the ends matter. We're good so we can go to heaven. God has a huge blackboard where He is keeping tally of the good things I do in my life so I'll have a cooler set of wings and a shinier halo when I get up there, right? I really detest this idea, though. My inner Buddhist/Taoist is saying that focusing on the future and doing things in order to store up for the future is the wrong idea. Be here now.

Well actually....

I'm pretty sure Jesus would disagree with Mother Culture here too. I think that is one of the lessons he tried to teach people that they didn't quite get. Teaching to a very rules-based Jewish community, it was difficult for him to get the point across. Being good here and now is a good thing just for the sake of being good here and now.

Perhaps that's why heaven is such a difficult place to get to, according to the texts. You have to forget about it in order to reach it. If you're focusing on heaven, doing good things is meaningless. You have to be doing good things just for the sake of helping people, to develop love, to be a humanitarian. Once you forget about heaven, you'll have achieved it.

Kinda like enlightenment and nirvana. One cannot meditate with nirvana and enlightment in mind. You'll never get anywhere.

The lines are all blurring in my mind....

It's highly probably that this post sucks. I'm kinda tired...

On a different note, today I came to terms with my move and with changes in general. I'm always looking for metaphors for my life that I find in nature. The seasons change, animals don't long for possessions, stuff like that. My realization today came from a beautiful sunset I saw. It was gorgeous, peering out from behind some dark clouds in complimentary shades of purple, orange, yellow, and red. Perfect...

So I was thinking about how stupid it would be to say as the sun was setting, "Don't set yet!!! Stay here with me a little longer!!! You're so beautiful! I want to hold on to you!" No. You just love it, let it be a part of you for a while, and then let it go with the memory you've just made. You realize that tomorrow there will be another sunset with its own unique beauty.

Life is a lot like that. Stages and times in life will come and go. Instead of holding onto them and mourning the loss, just go with it knowing that something just as beautiful is only a day away. Everything happens for a reason. Today's sunset means that the sun gets to rise again tomorrow. I'm okay with that thought.

Today's ride...

I went on a day trip today with just me, Shadowfax (my bike), and my itunes. I started on my front porch at around 11 and finished at Eli's house in Bolivar a good seven and a half hours later. Long rides like that are really interesting for me. How hard can I push myself? How much can I make it hurt before I have to stop? What beautiful scene is around the next bend? I never take large highways. They aren't nearly as gorgeous. The theme of the day was forests and fields. Oh, and roadkill with a smell that nearly knocked me off of my bike. Anyway, I had some interesting thoughts along the way.

Around mile 65 is when I started to have trouble pushing up the hills. First off, I think I don't really learn anything unless it hurts. That's kind of an interesting perspective, but when it's easy and fun, I just enjoy it. I don't take time to analyze it and learn from the situation at all. When the going gets tough, when things are no longer smooth sailing, is when I learn and grow. This is evident in my bike ride today, and looking back on life I see it as a reoccuring motif.

When it started to get hard, I tried to focus on every detail of what was going on around me. I didn't want to forget anything about the feeling of almost giving up, but pushing to the top of the hill. I wanted to be fully aware of my surroundings, of how I was breathing, of what I was thinking. I wanted to be fully alive and mindful so I could claim victory over self-defeat. It was wonderful. (and wonderfully painful. The more I think about it, the more I think I really am a masochist)

I realized the importance then of living in the moment. On a very surface level, it just makes life easier. Taking life one moment at a time and living in the now reduces the complication. You're here now. How complicated is that? It gives you a certain amount of freedom to realize that you're alive and capable of action right now, at least for me. If I was thinking about how much further I had to go or how far I'd gone, I lost my ferver. It's easy to get down if you are living in the future. You can resign yourself to less than you're capable if you say, "well, I've come this far and I have a lot more to go. That's good enough, right?" But living in this very moment keeps you going.
I just need to keep pedaling. Just keep breathing. Just focus on this hill right here. We'll think about the next one when we get there...

Then my taoist side came in. I realized with my pain and with my focusing on myself that I hadn't lifted my head in quite some time and I was missing out on everything around me. When I finally did, I was astounded. Missouri is a beautiful place. Did you know that? It's easy to think about it being mundane and boring, but if you lift your head every now and then, it can really suprise you. I had an inner monologue with myself over the nature of my ride then.

I set out to get to Eli's house and see the countryside on the way, but which is more important? Is it the end that matters or the way? I had a hard time when I was focusing on how much further it was to get to the end, and focusing on the way made it easier, but it didn't make the end less important. Perhaps in that way, the end is just as important as the way, but keeping yourself mindful of the present makes the end easier to achieve. Keeping yourself focused on the end makes you miss out on all the beauty that is surrounding you at every moment. Just an observation from my experience today.

I'm supposed to make the same trip home tomorrow, but I'm not sure if I'll be able to make it. It's going to end up being over 160 miles round-trip and my body is ill-equipped to handle such a ride presently. Hmmmm. I guess I need to give it a shot. How am I going to get my body prepared for victory if it doesn't fail first? That could be extrapolated into an interesting topic in itself, but one for another day.

A lesson learned on forgiveness...

Last night I was confronted with the cold reality that forgiveness is essential to my existance and contentment on this planet. I've heard professors and advocates of eastern religions state that the one of the main differences between eastern religions and christianity is the view of the human soul and the need for forgiveness [and perhaps they are correct on a more general basis, such as original sin (which, curiously enough, wasn't a precept of christianity until Augustine stuck his nose into theology)], but I am here to say that all men and women of all creeds must rely on forgiveness in order to acheive contentment, the goal of existance.

I have done things. Things which I regret. Things which I wish I had not done but have done in selfishness and lack of self control. Even years after the even has transpired, I have yet to feel whole again. There are parts of me I have left behind in rage and disgust, in fear and trembling. The forgiveness which I am most discussing here is the need to forgive and be forgiven here on earth by those whom we have transgressed and who have transgressed us. I cannot be fully myself, I cannot have those pieces of myself I have left behind, until I have asked for them back from people I have wronged in the past.

It is a wonderful act of selflessness, to ask for forgiveness, for most times it is selfishness that led one to the predicament in the first place. To ask for forgiveness means losing one's pride, fear of rejection, inhibitions, etc. The christian emphasis on asking for forgiveness is a regular practice in losing huberus, on losing one's sense of self, on becoming one with those around us and creating harmony in ourselves, our neighbors, and the community in which we live. My buddhist, taoist, confucian, and possibly even a humble agnostic friends can agree with me on these points.

I have two main difficulties with forgiveness. The first is that it needs to be sincere. If one does not truly understand their transgressions and feel sorry for what they have done, the acquisition of forgiveness is worthless. You have to lose the pride that stands in your way and humble yourself to the idea that you are not perfect, that you have screwed up, that you are not always correct in your actions, and that you have a wish to ammend that wrong. Without this criteria, I'm not positive it can be called "forgiveness." It is definately empty. I even debate with myself as to whether the God of christianity grants forgiveness to those who ask but do not feel with their hearts. I don't believe God does, but greater theologians than I would disagree. Perhaps we won't know on this side of eternity.

This brings me to my second main problem, which is the fear I have that when I ask for forgiveness, it will not be granted to me. You see, forgiveness is a two way street. Perhaps I have hurt people in ways they are not strong enough to overcome and forgive me. It scares me that my transgressions have permanently impaired me. The people I have hurt will not allow me to be whole again. This is something I have no control over, just think about.

The religions of the world have so much in common. I wish people would stop looking at difference and start looking more at similarities. In practice, there is very little difference between buddhism, humanitarianism, christianity, taoism, confucianism, hindu, and the like. We all have the same actions, just slightly different motives. The problem arises when people poorly follow these faiths and pawn themselves off as masters, but that is a different post for a different day. For now, let us embrace forgiveness as a practice of losing one's self and pride and trading it in for contentment and peace.