Jesus Christ Superstar...

I had an interesting experience yesterday.

For Christmas I got Sirius satellite radio from my parents so during all the driving I do I can always have constant music. It's pretty cool. I especially like the Broadway station which plays show tunes all day and also plays an entire play once a day. Yesterday, in honor of Good Friday, they played Jesus Christ Superstar (the 1996 version), and I caught it just in time. I was on my way home from Columbia to Salem, which meant I got to listen to the entire play from beginning to end. It was really good.

The play itself never really answers the question of Jesus's divinity. It seems to focus more on the people around him and the way they react to the whole thing. This is really nice for me, seeing as I try to take an agnostic (if not negative) stance to the whole "divinity of Jesus" matter. It was really interesting to spend a drive alone listening and just reflecting on the story again, especially in light of Easter.

There was a point when Mary and the other apostles are singing "Could we start again please?" when I started crying. Think about it: Regardless of whether or not Jesus was God, the story is amazing. A man runs around for three years trying to spread a message of love and ends up being betrayed by those who are closest to him. All he does is try to love those around him, he ends up getting a strong following (who often misunderstand him), and he ends up on a cross for it.

It's terribly tragic. It's easy to look back on a story and be removed from it when you read it, but hearing it and thinking about it from a first person perspective really changes things.

I'm not really in a mood to try to use flowery language and get my point across, but I feel like I have a duty to myself to put this idea down. Christianity isn't a crackpot faith of delusional people. Every religion has it's fair share of fundamentalists and Christianity is no different. At it's core though, there is a really moving story about a guy who just wanted to help people. It's cool.

Experience vs. Trust

In my History of Christianity coarse, the course which was the subject of my previous entry, we have recently been studying the decline in church attendance (especially mainline protestant churches) within the past 50 or so years. While liberal theology churches have been really shrinking, it seems that fundamentalist charismatic churches have been exploding all across the world. Even still, the percentages of the public who are in church on Sunday mornings is way down. We're talking 1 out of every 4 people goes to church every Sunday. It sounds weird, but sociologists have been writing about it for some time and it seems like there are a few main reasons for this happening. I find it super interesting, so I'm posting about it hoping to generate a little more interest and awareness.

It seems like people want to EXPERIENCE their faith! Strange, eh? After Vietnam, there was this huge distrust of establishment by the Baby Boomer generation. Everyone is telling them to just trust that church is the right thing. There supposed to take the whole thing on trust, but trust is NOT a strong point for these folks. Thus, mainlines and liberal churches (ones that are pretty easy going and will pretty much accept everyone no matter what their background is) are on the decline. There is no experience required for these guys.

Conversely, charismatic fundamentalist churches explode. Everyone is leaving the mainlines to go to these charismatic churches that emphasize experiencing the faith and have all of these rules put forth for their members. One thing about churches like this is their kinda like clubs: they have lots of rules. Some kids are in, some are out. This creates a mentality of wanting to be in the club and follow the rules. Ergo, more devoted members.

The thing that I find particularly interesting about this topic is the fact that I never realized what I was looking for in my own personal quest. All I am really looking for is an experience. I haven't really found it in my churches even though they are charismatic and emphasize experience. This is a reason that you'll find lots of people in my generation saying things like, "well, I'm spiritual, but I'm not religious." They're looking for that experience. They want to feel that touch of the divine, but they're not finding it in church. They're finding it in eastern religion, in Taoism, in Buddhism, in Hinduism.

It's obvious that there is something wrong with the Christian church today. There are tons of Christian mystics who have experienced God and felt his presence, so why are people in Christianity today not having that experience? What do people want out of an experience? I dunno. The whole subject just seems really intriguing to me (probably because I'm so personally wrapped up in it). Sorry if I'm rambling. Any thoughts?

Belief vs. Action...

So an idea has been running through my head lately, and it has been brought to the surface by a book I'm currently reading titled, "Letter to a Christian Nation," by Sam Harris. Sam Harris, who also wrote "The End of Faith," is an atheist writer (a cohort of Richard Dawkins) and is intent on proving Christianity false and ridding the world of religious dogma. On this idea, I have two general side notes I'd like to discuss this evening.

First, let us assume that there is no God, that all religions are inherently lying to their followers, spirituality is a human construct, and positivism reigns supreme. Would it still be wrong for people to believe in these religions and cling to them?

This is one of the main problems I see with Harris's arguments. Even if Harris's atheism is correct, why would you try to stop people from believing in something bigger than themselves? At their very hearts, every religion is built upon the Golden Rule and learning to love others more thoroughly. It is a code of moral ethics in order for us to better cope with this world and the people in it. What is wrong with that? Why would you try to rid the world of a system set in place to create more morally responsible beings?

Here, I'm sure I'm being overly optimistic and unrealistic in my views of world religions, which can also be used for base purposes, but I'm being intentionally idealistic. I think that the core of world religions is idealistic. In practice, it never works out to be quite so noble, but the ideal is there for people to follow and try to become better through it, no?

The second thought that Sam Harris's book brings to my mind is more of a question than a point. Harris spends a great deal of time talking about how these moral codes that Christianity professes and claims as their own (the ten commandments) are basically implanted into human genetics. We're born with a basic sense of right and wrong, and that helps us propagate our species. It serves a purpose.

Here's what I have a question with in that regard: Is salvation based upon believing in something, or in acting it out properly? Suppose a Buddhist monk works hard her or his entire life to become an exemplary person and succeeds to that end. Now imagine a convict in prison for killing his or her entire family, but this particular convict claims to believe in Jesus Christ. Clearly, the Buddhist monk, who has worked his or her entire life to cultivate compassion and love, is actually living out the precepts of Christianity better than the convict, who clearly does not follow Christ's teachings, but claims to be Christian.

Which is better? Do you think Jesus was more concerned about people living out a faith in HIS name, or living correctly, no matter whose name the follower professes, Buddha or otherwise?

It's hard to have this conversation with myself and not find myself completely smothered in dualism. I'm pretty sure this isn't a black and white conversation, but starting it out as a black and white conversation is a great way for the two to come together under the banner of discussion and create something closer to reality, right? Either way, just some food for thought.

Random things I've been thinking about....

Recently, in my Harry Potter book, Harry talks about looking up in a house and seeing a bewitched ceiling that looked like a beautiful night sky, shooting stars and all. Would its beauty be belittled simply because he knew it wasn't real? What if we were to realize that this reality isn't real? Would it belittle the beauty of what surrounds us knowing that it isn't the true reality?

I feel like seeking enlightenment is very selfish. Sure, one can meditate for their entire lives and perhaps glimpse the reality of life, but would your life have been better served moving to Africa and helping orphans of AIDS virus?

I feel like so much of life is what we make it to be. If we're looking for racism in our everyday life, we'll find racism. If we're looking for God's voice in life, we'll hear God's voice. Your mentality towards the situations you encounter has so much to do with how you encounter your situations. Oh goodness. I sound so post modern it scares me.

I've been struggling with the character of Jesus Christ lately. Christianity is the only faith, to my knowledge, that claims to have an absolute grip on the afterlife ("no one comes to the father except through me"). So, logically it would make sense to be a Christian. If you're wrong, you get another chance. If you're right, you go to Heaven. Is there another religion that stakes its entire claim on a man that walked around on this planet as God? It just seems interesting to me.

Here at home I'm an echo chamber. I have lots of things that I think about and nobody to rebound my thoughts on and have conversation. I'm isolated. Often times before I have time to put my thoughts onto my blog, I forget about them or dismiss them as childish and stupid.

Yesterday I was on my daily bike ride. When I was looking around at the houses in my new town (I recently moved into the deep ozarks of MO), I realized how poverty stricken my town is. Here I am riding a $1k bike with my iPod strapped to my arm through this poor community, and I feel like I don't appreciate, or even deserve, anything that I have. This makes me appreciate everything even more, knowing that I don't deserve it. I stood up on my bike and rode it up a grueling hill harder than I thought I could just to prove myself worthy of this equipment I own. It all sounds kinda stupid, but I felt terrible. It's really late, so I'm probably not making any sense.

Means to an End...

Lately there have been a lot of questions in my mind, like from the post about koans, that are really interesting to ponder. The answers aren't as important as the questions in most cases, and you really can't tell what the answer is if you wanted to. Such things like, "Does anything exist outside of my mind or is this all just in my head?" Thanks again, Lindsey. ;)

My question for the day is this: What is the end and what are the means? Why are we good? Are we good just for the sake of being good here and now, or are we good so that we can say that we were good here and go to heaven later? Do the intentions matter, or is the only thing that matters the action and not its motivation? I mean, I guess as long as you're doing good things, you're doing good things, right? Hmmmm

I think Mother Culture of modern-day Christianity is trying to tell me that the ends matter. We're good so we can go to heaven. God has a huge blackboard where He is keeping tally of the good things I do in my life so I'll have a cooler set of wings and a shinier halo when I get up there, right? I really detest this idea, though. My inner Buddhist/Taoist is saying that focusing on the future and doing things in order to store up for the future is the wrong idea. Be here now.

Well actually....

I'm pretty sure Jesus would disagree with Mother Culture here too. I think that is one of the lessons he tried to teach people that they didn't quite get. Teaching to a very rules-based Jewish community, it was difficult for him to get the point across. Being good here and now is a good thing just for the sake of being good here and now.

Perhaps that's why heaven is such a difficult place to get to, according to the texts. You have to forget about it in order to reach it. If you're focusing on heaven, doing good things is meaningless. You have to be doing good things just for the sake of helping people, to develop love, to be a humanitarian. Once you forget about heaven, you'll have achieved it.

Kinda like enlightenment and nirvana. One cannot meditate with nirvana and enlightment in mind. You'll never get anywhere.

The lines are all blurring in my mind....

It's highly probably that this post sucks. I'm kinda tired...

On a different note, today I came to terms with my move and with changes in general. I'm always looking for metaphors for my life that I find in nature. The seasons change, animals don't long for possessions, stuff like that. My realization today came from a beautiful sunset I saw. It was gorgeous, peering out from behind some dark clouds in complimentary shades of purple, orange, yellow, and red. Perfect...

So I was thinking about how stupid it would be to say as the sun was setting, "Don't set yet!!! Stay here with me a little longer!!! You're so beautiful! I want to hold on to you!" No. You just love it, let it be a part of you for a while, and then let it go with the memory you've just made. You realize that tomorrow there will be another sunset with its own unique beauty.

Life is a lot like that. Stages and times in life will come and go. Instead of holding onto them and mourning the loss, just go with it knowing that something just as beautiful is only a day away. Everything happens for a reason. Today's sunset means that the sun gets to rise again tomorrow. I'm okay with that thought.

Still Small Voice...

So last night I finished the book "Lamb" by Christopher Moore. It's a fiction novel about Jesus's life, missing years and all, told by Jesus's buddy Biff. The book is hilarious and lots of fun, but it ends on a less than humorous note with Jesus's crucifixion. I know it sounds stupid and terribly cheesy, but whenever Christ's crucifixion enters my mind (I'll read the stories in the bible, hear them over easter, or something like what happened last night), I get kinda depressed.

Questions of divinity aside, there is proof that Christ existed. He was a real person and he did good things in his life. Things that freaked a lot of people out. Best of all, he just did them for the sake of them being good things to do, not for himself. And regardless of whether he was God's son, born of the virgin Mary, he was crucified. He didn't do anything to deserve the torture he got. That's part of why I get upset over it. It was such a terrible injustice.

I do indeed believe in Christ's divinity, so if you pair the above paragraph with the years I've spent trying to cultivate a personal relationship with this guy, you've got something different all together. I have a hard time dealing with thinking of a friend on that cross suffering for me, so that I can be the fuck up I am now and still get God's love. No hoops, no loopholes, just love from the creator of the universe.

It's a pretty cool idea if you ask me, and I think that's the fundamental groundwork for Christianity. I'm sick and tired of people judging Christianity for all of the other bullshit that goes on around it. You know what? Christianity isn't supported by George Bush, Joel Osteen, or Jerry Falwell. I've let that negative thinking get to me for too long. This is all semi beside the point, so I'm going to get back to documenting my story so I can remember it.

At midnight, in my melancholy mood, I put on my shoes and went for a walk. I walked to another small lake, much like the one in the story below with the bass, but closer to home. When I got there, the clouds were completely gone, allowing the gloriously large and bright moon to cast its reflection on the lake below it. It was beautiful. All I could see was the clear night sky, the lake, and a silhouette of trees that closed me off entirely from the rest of the world. It felt like the lake was holding me, like I was visiting an old friend who was comforting me, so I sat down and we chatted for a while. I prayed.

I was praying for direction, for a reason I've been feeling so strange and drained lately, for insight into what to do with the rest of this summer. I didn't get it. I did, however, end up having a really good meditation trying to listen. When I was looking for God's voice, I started waiting for a reply, for some sign to answer me. I then remembered the story of Elijah. Elijah went up on a mountain to visit God and talk. There were a lot of huge natural disasters, big signs, but God's voice was not in them. After everything had died down, Elijah heard God's small voice in the silence. So I sat and tried to listen for God's still small voice. I didn't get exactly what I wanted, but I got what I needed. The Rolling Stones are some very intelligent people, you know. They got it right.

I left last night at peace with everything, and today, I'm putting my cross back around my neck and I'm wearing it proudly. I can do this because I know what I believe and what I don't. I think what happened last night was me making peace with a lot of my doubts. I'm done listening to people bashing Christianity on false grounds, for selfish reasons, etc. I know what I believe and I'm comfortable in that. :)

A lesson learned on forgiveness...

Last night I was confronted with the cold reality that forgiveness is essential to my existance and contentment on this planet. I've heard professors and advocates of eastern religions state that the one of the main differences between eastern religions and christianity is the view of the human soul and the need for forgiveness [and perhaps they are correct on a more general basis, such as original sin (which, curiously enough, wasn't a precept of christianity until Augustine stuck his nose into theology)], but I am here to say that all men and women of all creeds must rely on forgiveness in order to acheive contentment, the goal of existance.

I have done things. Things which I regret. Things which I wish I had not done but have done in selfishness and lack of self control. Even years after the even has transpired, I have yet to feel whole again. There are parts of me I have left behind in rage and disgust, in fear and trembling. The forgiveness which I am most discussing here is the need to forgive and be forgiven here on earth by those whom we have transgressed and who have transgressed us. I cannot be fully myself, I cannot have those pieces of myself I have left behind, until I have asked for them back from people I have wronged in the past.

It is a wonderful act of selflessness, to ask for forgiveness, for most times it is selfishness that led one to the predicament in the first place. To ask for forgiveness means losing one's pride, fear of rejection, inhibitions, etc. The christian emphasis on asking for forgiveness is a regular practice in losing huberus, on losing one's sense of self, on becoming one with those around us and creating harmony in ourselves, our neighbors, and the community in which we live. My buddhist, taoist, confucian, and possibly even a humble agnostic friends can agree with me on these points.

I have two main difficulties with forgiveness. The first is that it needs to be sincere. If one does not truly understand their transgressions and feel sorry for what they have done, the acquisition of forgiveness is worthless. You have to lose the pride that stands in your way and humble yourself to the idea that you are not perfect, that you have screwed up, that you are not always correct in your actions, and that you have a wish to ammend that wrong. Without this criteria, I'm not positive it can be called "forgiveness." It is definately empty. I even debate with myself as to whether the God of christianity grants forgiveness to those who ask but do not feel with their hearts. I don't believe God does, but greater theologians than I would disagree. Perhaps we won't know on this side of eternity.

This brings me to my second main problem, which is the fear I have that when I ask for forgiveness, it will not be granted to me. You see, forgiveness is a two way street. Perhaps I have hurt people in ways they are not strong enough to overcome and forgive me. It scares me that my transgressions have permanently impaired me. The people I have hurt will not allow me to be whole again. This is something I have no control over, just think about.

The religions of the world have so much in common. I wish people would stop looking at difference and start looking more at similarities. In practice, there is very little difference between buddhism, humanitarianism, christianity, taoism, confucianism, hindu, and the like. We all have the same actions, just slightly different motives. The problem arises when people poorly follow these faiths and pawn themselves off as masters, but that is a different post for a different day. For now, let us embrace forgiveness as a practice of losing one's self and pride and trading it in for contentment and peace.