The Prodigal Blogger Returns...

My friends, I have a tendency to show neglect to some aspects of my life. I've been accused of being a very single-minded person. I'll focus on one thing for a period of time, getting all wrapped up in it, and then when I'm through with it I move on. I haven't quite figured out how to counter-act this unbalanced approach to life yet (though I'm working diligently on it), but this marks my return to this blog which I love so much. I've said it before, but it's good to remind myself. Without a forum for thought like this one, I'd probably go insane. The immortal words of Peter Clothier will forever be etched in my mind after I heard him him address them to me at Drury two years ago: "How can I know what I think until I see what I say?"

Truth be told, I hold this blog to a pretty high thought standard. I really try to shy away from making it a diary where I sit down at the end of my day and go back over the joys and perils of the past twenty four hours. It seems strange, but there has been too much going on in my life for me to have time to compose thoughts poignant enough to discuss with myself and my readers on this blog. Now, I'm back into a rhythm of life. Granted, it's an obscenely busy rhythm - I'd liken it to an African drum beat or a heavy metal riff - but it is a rhythm, which means I can go on autopilot in a sense. Which means back to blogging.


In terms of personal development, I'm still on the way. Dr. Panza recently published a book, Existentialism for Dummies (seriously, it's one of those black and yellow books) which I've been reading a lot of lately. It's opened my eyes to a whole other way of looking at the world which I really, really like. Reading this book (and a few kind words from Dr. Browning, Drury University Chaplain and renowned scholar hailing from University of Chicago Divinity School) has helped me start wearing my cross again with a new perspective and without shame.

I did use the word shame, and I used it intentionally. For the longest time I felt shame in calling myself a Christian, and for more than one reason. I first felt shame because I was a nefarious Christian, flirting with other religions, being "sinful," never measuring up to my Christian idols (for Christian idolatry, see Joe White). It was a very self-loathing shame. Later, it became shame of associating myself with a group of people who are by-and-large closed/small minded, hypocritical, and the anti-thesis of Jesus Christ's message. I really could have continued down that path for a very long time (and I know a LOT of people who do), but as it turns out I love Jesus's message. It fits very well with what I think the world should look like. Because of that, I can't discard the faith itself. It's been hijacked, in the words of Karen Armstrong, and I want it back. I'm greedy that way.

I've actually found an emergent church to go to around here again, which is also pretty nice. Life is really interesting that way. We all search and struggle and push and pull ourselves, but really it's all a big circle and we'll usually end up back where we started but with a new understanding of what it means. I don't think I could honestly sing the same hymns I used to. I can't pretend the world is dualistic like I used to think it was (for Christian dualism, see This Present Darkness), I can't pray the same way I used to, and I certainly can't read the Bible the same way. But I also can't use religion as a tool for being right anymore. I can't criticize people for their beliefs as blindly as I used to (You're not just like me?! Heretic!!!). I can't live two separate lives like I used to. These are all good things, in my opinion. I'm excited about it all, at least!

Look forward to some more posts about existentialism later on this week! I think more people should know about it.

Emerging through trial...

My friends, I realized today that my blog has been in existence for over a year now. That's crazy. I remember I started it last year after Peter Clothier (whom I now consider a somewhat distant mentor of mine) came to Drury last year and read poetry to us. He mentioned his blog and his religious beliefs, so I got online and started my own for the sole purpose of commenting on his. I have since tried to turn this blog into a chronicle of my spiritual journey in order to not only keep a record of the ways in which I'm changing throughout my stay here at Drury but also to keep myself sane throughout my drastic reformation of self. I'm not the most diligent poster, but I do enjoy this blog and I appreciate the people who read and comment a whole lot. So I thought I'd begin this post with a cheers to those of you who make my life brighter and more interesting, to those of you who challenge me spiritually and emotionally, who critique me into becoming the best me I can be, and to those of you who are with me when things have gotten really hard. Thank you.

Recently I've been getting into a new movement in Christianity which I feel really suits me. Interestingly enough, the more I read about it, the more I realize that I embody this movement and have somehow come to the exact conclusions that these people do without even knowing it. Rob Winger, a friend of my Dad's for many years and now recently another sort of mentor of mine, recently gave me a copy of a book called "The New Christians: Dispatches from the Emergent frontier" by a man named Tony Jones. The book, about Emergent Christianity, gives me a sense of relief and comfort spiritually that I haven't felt in a long time.

Basically Emergent Christianity is Christianity's reaction to the Post-Modern era. Studying philosophy has taught me that reason is fallible and truth is subjective. Knowing this, it's difficult for me to ascribe to a belief system held by only one quarter of the world's population which says, "We know the absolute Truth (with a capital T) and if you don't believe it, your eternal soul is in trouble." Everything that statement says is completely unjustifiable epistemologically, so I can't necessarily call it "truth." A lot of Emergents think the same way I do, and have reacted.

The focus has been put on conversational spirituality, on non-literal interpretation of the Bible (and the whole Bible, not just selected passages which are easy to swallow), and following the way of Jesus as lovingly as possible. This doesn't mean that everything is loosey-goosey in the Emergent church, but it does mean that every belief, every profession of faith, and every interpretation comes with a deep sense of humility. The reality of the situation is that not only do we not "know" the truth behind our faith statements and beliefs, but we CAN'T know, so we have to hold them very humbly.

As such, orthopraxy is given grounds to take the stage. The Emergent movement, which realizes that life isn't just about "me and Jesus" but that we live in a community which is affected by every action we do, strongly emphasizes that faith without works is dead. If one truly wishes to be a Christian, they have to live a loving, open, virtuous life. Jesus cared for the sick, helped the poor, loved the unloved, and tended to the broken in spirit. That's exactly what we're called to do as well. The thing that I love about this is that regardless of race, sexual orientation, religious creed, gender, etc., we can (or should) all agree on this point.

So for now, I think I'm starting to settle once again into Christianity, but with a much more humble, accepting, and loving approach. I've still got a lot of thinking and reading to do, but as I've started to put down in previous posts, it just feels good to be able to go back to the tradition I once loved so much. So here's to another day of reflection, to humility, to agape, to community. Thanks, Rob and Dad, for being there and helping me out even when I didn't necessarily ask you to. This semester has been really hard, and I feel like through the trials I have emerged with a spiritual foundation.