Right Speech...

Lately I've been noticing a lot about myself and others. The way we interact completely intriguing to me, especially in regards to what we say to each other and why. In class - as well as impersonally during conversation - I've been noticing myself and others bringing up points that don't necessarily add to the conversation or answer questions being posed, but often times we speak just to show that we know something. I find myself realizing that I know something that someone else doesn't or I have a particular insight that the class doesn't and my immediate reaction is to raise my hand and let everyone know. It really bothers me.

There is a fine line between speaking to learn and teach and speaking just to speak and be heard. Some points made in class discussion and everyday life need to be made. Sometimes when I have a particular point of view on the subject matter, it is important that I raise my hand and tell the class as it aids in everyone's understanding and welfare. Other times I need to remind myself that I'm not speaking because people need to hear what I'm saying; rather, I'm speaking because I want others to hear what I have to say and recognize me for it.

I think this point revolves around mindfulness. Only through constantly observing the contents of our own mind can the distinction be made between speech for speech's own sake and speech for the betterment of those hearing what we have to say. If we're monitoring our thoughts, we'll better understand the motivations we have for our decision to speak. I'll have to work on that!

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Now playing: Dave Black - Somewhere Over The Rainbow
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A Lesson Learned from Our Buddy Buddha...

Yesterday I had been studying a whole lot, as usual, and was really tired of reading philosophy textbooks. I decided to take a break and pick up a book I had been lent by this wonderful person I know called "Teachings on Love" by Thich Nhat Hanh, a Buddhist monk and a great writer and teacher. I'm only on the first chapter, but it really illuminated a concept that I believe can help us all in our daily lives, and it really helped me put a new light on the post I put up yesterday as well.

I know it's a basic Buddhist principle, but the Four Immeasurable Minds is a really great concept. I just learned about them yesterday, and they're really intense. They are loving kindness (maitri), compassion (karuna), joy (mudita), and equanamity (upeksha). They are all really helpful and useful in life, but the two that stood out particularly to me yesterday were love and equanamity.

I find love useful in the situation of my ego because it reminds me that I need to understand all people fully. That is how I love them. I could use a lot more understanding of where the guy in my Classical Problems class is coming from, and I could definitely stand to love him more.

Equanamity is something that has a myriad of uses, but in the case of my ego, it is the wedge to split "me" away from "ego." I'm not quite to the point on my theology that I think there is no essential "me," but I do believe that all of us are equal and there should be no hierarchy between people, which is where my idea of equanamity takes place. Why do I react the way I do to this guy (and really to a lot of people I encounter in my life)? It's because I feel threatened by him and I am establishing some sort of rank system in which that person might be above me. Thinking like that, there are a lot of people I don't worry about because my hierarchy puts them below me, which is wrong. If I can recognize in my heart that we're all the same, none better, none worse, than I can be a happier person and bring joy to others more easily.

Today I'm going to spend some time thinking myself through some equanamity practices between me and my friend in class. Perhaps I'll have a different story to tell about the dynamic between him and me tomorrow after class.

Ego, or Something Else?

Every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday, I have a class called Classical Problems in Philosophy. The content of the class is pretty good altogether, but I have a slight problem in that class. There is another kid from a slightly scientific background that really bothers me. I'm going to be human here and admit my flaws.

This kid is as well-prepared as I am, well-thought, and generally intelligent. He really puts me off. I find myself wanting to contradict him simply for the sake of the contradiction. I don't necessarily always disagree with him, but the way he states things makes me want to argue. It's really, really annoying. What is even more annoying is that I'm pretty sure it's my problem, not a problem with him. I have to admit that I'm wrong.

We're both intelligent. I need to accept that. There doesn't have to be a hierarchy where one of us is smarter than the other. It shouldn't be a competition. Why can't we just get along? I need to put my ego aside, stop wanting to be recognized for comprehending the subject matter and making the connections.

I recognize that I'm often egotistical, but I also recognize that I don't want to be. Perhaps the way to clear up the situation is to actually act as if I'm not. If I do everything to change in regards to my ego, I've first got to recognize that I am that way and then cut that off at every path. It's just strange.