Why Life is Beautiful...

Sorry, friends, for not posting for so long. I've been in an intense RA training session along with my friend Eli, the author of Memory Palace. It's been an interesting and trying few weeks preparing for the incoming students and all the meddling that may or may not follow them to Drury University.

Amid the turmoil of everyday life, I took a night off last night to hang out with my new brother-in-law, Eric. We are both avid Frisbee players and we went to a local university, MSU, in search of an Ultimate Frisbee game to jump into. While we were unlucky in our attempt to find an Ultimate game, we did find Nelly.

Nelly is a black college student from yet another university, Evangel, who is in his late twenties. He came over after watching Eric and I play for a while and asked to join, which we were happy to agree to. After throwing for a while, we learned Nelly's story. He's from Long Island, NY, a Bible major who is active in community theater and loves his local church. He's your average college student from Springfield, MO, but I'm pretty sure he's had a few more obstacles in his path than the average middle-class American who takes up residence here. Regardless, I learned a lot from throwing the disc with Nelly, even if it was only for thirty minutes or so.

Here is what I find amazing about my experience: Fifty years ago, Nelly would never be where he is today. Fifty years ago, there is no way a black man would ask to join in a friendly game of frisbee with a couple of college guys. There would have been a very, very slim chance of Nelly ever getting an education, especially from a private university. It may seem kind of insignificant, but to me, it means a lot.

I may be young. I may be a middle-class white male who knows nothing, but I'm happy when I think about where we come from. Don't get me wrong; I'm not complacent, and I certainly don't think we're finished here. I'm simply saying that the progress made over the past fifty years has got to count for something.

So, yes, let's get upset over inequality. Let us join hands and march for equal rights of all races, classes, genders, ethnicities, religions, etc, but let's do so with an eye on the past and some form of gratefulness for the progress we've already made. It sounds dumb, but without years of fighting and pushing and shoving our way through intolerance, I would not have been able to enjoy thirty minutes of a simple game with a very cool guy. I, for one, am grateful. I can appreciate that.

Late Night Contemplations....

Perhaps it's because it's midnight. Maybe it's because I've already been away from those I love and my comfortable setting for about 24 hours and I'm getting near withdrawal. Maybe it's the Amber Bock in my hand. In any case, I'm experiencing immense amounts of contemplation tonight. Plus, I haven't posted for a while and it's about time.

I was talking with my big brother last night as he was in town and we hit the bars to play pool together. We ran into a friend from my old life who said hi, patted me on the back, and walked off. He was my boss once at Pacific Sunwear when I worked there in high school. In order for the story with my brother to have any impact, it needs prefaced with another story.

Willie, my old assistant manager from Pac Sun, was giving me my shift duties one day after I had clocked in in the back room. Willie is a 6'6" 210lb black man. A former linebacker in college football. Anywho, it seemed like a heavy load for just one shift, and I was little upset at how much I had to do. A poignant remark came out of my mouth which could have been percieved as racist in hindesight, but I didn't even notice it at the time. It wasn't until that night when we were closing together that he let me know his disdain for what I said. I didn't even know I had upset him at the time. We got it settled that night (I was terribly emberrassed by my words) and I apologized with every fiber of my being. He really didn't hold it against me. I was so emberrassed that I actually ended up giving up the job. It was too awkward.

Needless to say, I learned a lot from my mistake that day at work. Willie said some things that really made me think. We all have prejudices that we carry around without even thinking about. We have racist/sexist/homophobic/hate-influenced words in our vocabulary that we use without even noticing. It's terrible, but it's true. Willie told me how sometimes when he'd walk down the street he'd watch old ladies clutch their purses in fear. It broke my heart to hear about.

Anyway, Peter, my brother, was confused at how Willie and I were still friendly acquaintances. He didn't know why I wasn't upset at the situation. I ended up quitting my job because Willie thought I was racist. Shouldn't I be jaded? If he called me anything racist, I wouldn't do anything about it. Wasn't this a double standard that I should take offense at? Well, what I said was racist. Perhaps there is a double standard, but it's in my favor. I shouldn't be allowed to get away with any racist remarks, no matter how young or naive I am. It makes me think about all of the benefits of being a middle-class, white, male American that I enjoy without even thinking about it. I don't think it's fair. I hate it. I hate that I can't stop enjoying the benefits of it. They're everywhere.

There are a lot of experiences like that in my life. It just makes me wonder. What could I do to love everyone more entirely? How could my life be a theophony of love? What am I doing in my life that is hurting people without my knowledge? I've got to keep my eyes open more and learn to watch myself very closely. The last thing I'd like to do is hurt someone, especially unintentionally and for stupid reasons like gender, sexual orientation, race, etc. I'll keep my eyes open.