Friday, December 5, 2008


Bear with me while I continually re-adjust the color scheme of my blog. I liked the black because it looked mysterious and it was very cut-and-dry, but it was a bit too oppressive. This is at least a bit more welcoming.

Something that has been on my mind a lot lately is the fact that I'm very religiously minded but I've never been able to make myself a very pious person. On one level I like to tell myself that all my researching and constant thinking about the subject is itself a form of piety. I'm being true to how I was created by engaging my natural tendency to question, to push deeper into life's mysteries, and to not simply be dogmatically religious. Hinduism acknowledges this path to enlightenment (Jnana yoga), that there are people who find Brahman through scholarship and academic searching. Still, I wish I could be the person who is committed to spiritual practice.

Perhaps it stems from my uncertainty about what it is I'm praying to or meditating on. Or maybe it has developed from my desire to be pious but my lack of religious experience. Try as I may, I've never felt like God answers my prayers and I've never experienced some deeper sense of truth by meditating for hours on end. It makes me feel like a milquetoast searcher. I'm not quite sure what to make of it all.

Am I really just a middle of the road follower who is unable to commit, or is my lack of commitment a sign of dissatisfaction with the spiritual route? Maybe I just don't know what I'm doing when I try to be spiritual? I'm not sure. Maybe some of my more devoted spiritual followers could give me a pointer or two...

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